i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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