When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
