we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
