Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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