Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize