I think I died a long time ago.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
