sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
