i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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