you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
