We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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