I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
