I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Randomize
