That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
