i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
