Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
