Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
