I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
