I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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