Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize