Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
