I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
