I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
