none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
