waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
