Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
