My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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