Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
