she looked like the before picture.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
