Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
