I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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