Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
