They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
