hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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