We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
