The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
