The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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