I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
