Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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