my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
