So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ugly people sure do ruin things
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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