It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
