dude i'm inner monologue high
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
