Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
is that a dick in a sweater?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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