You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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