DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
