Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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