My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
