Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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