He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
