Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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