the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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