I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
