What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
