Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
