yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
