these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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