Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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