I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
