a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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