Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
