Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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