He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
