Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
