Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
