if i can run in heels then i can drive
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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