You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
