I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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