this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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