Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
