You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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