I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
