I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You're so nebulous sometimes
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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