All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
