You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
