I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
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just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
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He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed