hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.