I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
