you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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