I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
