So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
