Michael Bay diarrhea
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
