i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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