sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
