I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
